Friday, August 04, 2006

What Should His Toniness Take on Holiday?


Cartoon credit: Andy Davey, The Guardian

Later today I'm doing a short radio piece on Blair's holidays. They have asked me to suggest the following...

* a book he should take to read on the beach
* a song he should listen to on his iPod
* a gadget he could play with on the beach

Any ideas? I shall say 'readers of my blog suggest...'. So get suggestin'!

UPDATE: Because of Tony's delayed holiday the piece has been shleved until next week. But keep sending in the suggestions.

66 comments:

Anonymous said...

Song - Go Now

Anonymous said...

Book - WAR & Peace

Song - Always look on the bright side of life. OR the George Michael song with him as Bush's dog

Gadget on the beach - Weapons of mass distruction (though he wont find it)

Anonymous said...

(1) Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

(2) Rock Bottom by Lynsey de Paul and Mike Moran (UK entry for the 1977 Eurovision Song Contest).

(3) A Claymore anti-personnel mine.

Paul Evans said...

According to the Beeb he's delaying it... by a couple of days.

Mr Eugenides said...

How about a show tune?

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Anonymous said...

Book = Animal Farm;
Song = Gordon is a moron (Jilted John), or, 'They're coming to take me away';
Plaything on beach = Landmine. Or dangerous jellyfish.

Anonymous said...

Book - Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Music - The Funeral March

Gadget for the beach - Landmine

Mr Eugenides said...

Or Queen...

Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.

Whatever happens, Ill leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess Im learning, I must be warmer now
Ill soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark Im aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
Ill face it with a grin
Im never giving in
On - with the show -
Ill top the bill, Ill overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -On with the show -The show must go on...

dizzy said...

Rock the Casbah by the Clash

Anonymous said...

What time, where on radio please?

He should read Pinnochio, Listen to 'No matter what you say I still suits me' - Paul Robeson, and will play with well, his greatest fan of course, himself!

Anonymous said...

Book - John Simpson's 'Hard Road to Baghdad'.

Song - Joni Mitchell 'Big Yellow Taxi' [You don't know what you've got till it's gone].

Gadget - A 'Time Trumpet'..or a 'ToneBerry' - like a BlackBerry, but can only transmit messages, it doesn't take anything in.

Anonymous said...

Book - How to win friends and influence people
Song - "I'm a lonely little Petunia in an onion patch"
Gadget - something from those helpful folk at 'Exit'

Anonymous said...

Too many landmines I'm afraid. What about a gamblimg game. A Ruger Blackhawk .44 Magnum revolver with one loaded chamber - "It can blow your head clean off!"

Anonymous said...

Book
The decline and fall of the (Roman)empire
Song
Anything by Cliff Richard would be appropriate

plaything

Worry beads

dizzy said...

I'd suggest 1984 as a book, but then I;d be worried that he might get some more ideas.

Anonymous said...

Book: Kidnapped, Robert Louis Stevenson (for UK's role in US kidnapping of people)
Song: If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next, Manic Street Preachers
Gadget: a lie detector

Anonymous said...

Book - Stephen Fry 'The Liar'

Song - Style Council @Walls come tumbling down'

Gadget - laptop to write his resignation.

Anonymous said...

Book = I Am Jewish (Talking About My Faith S.) by Cath Senker and Jenny Matthews
Song = Bridge over Troubled Water
Gadget = BM-13 Katyusha multiple rocket launcher

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hijack your comments, but would everyone be kind enough to sign an online petition in support of England's fishing community?

http://www2.northumberland.gov.uk/marketing/fishing/

The government have banned fishing for mackerel in English waters, depsite there being an abundance of them and they are not a threatened species.
At the same time, it is allowes in Scottish waters.
Now the Scottish Executive is demanding that English fishermen be banned from Scottish waters.

Please sign the petition to show support for English fishermen to be allowed to fish in English waters.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Book = The Middle East For Dummies
Song = Iron, Lion, Zion (Bob Marley)
Beach Gadget = Concrete Shoes

What's the radio piece Iain? I'd like to hear your final picks...

strapworld said...

Book. The Faraway tree by Enid Blyton.

Song..'Nobody does it better' Carly Simon.

A Gadget. a small personal neutron bomb.

Anonymous said...

"The Life and Times of Anthony Eden, First Earl of Avon, 1897-1977" would be a salutary read...

Anonymous said...

Book; Billy Liar

Song: 'Here come de judge' or 'It Takes a Worried Man'

Gadget; Large box of broken glass

Anonymous said...

A book: "A Tale of Two Cities" by Dickens, especially at the very start and then at the very end (as our hero approaches the guillotine):

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ..."

"... It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known."

For his iPod: "Two Little Boys":

"Two little boys had two little toys
Each had a wooden horse
Gaily they played each summer's day
Warriors both of course
One little chap then had a mishap
Broke off his horse's head
Wept for his toy then cried with joy
As his young playmate said

Did you think I would leave you crying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here John* and don't be crying
I can go just as fast with two..."

*or Gordon. This song can multi-task.

A gadget: A service revolver with one bullet.

Anonymous said...

BOOK:
Coup D'Etat by Edward Luttwak

SONG:
Gods Unchanging Hand - The Presidents Mix

GADGET:
I understand he doesn't leave the nuclear button in Prezza's capable hand when he goes away...

Anonymous said...

Book: Murder in Samarkand by Criag Murray

Song: "The Lebanon" by Human League:
"And who will have won
When the soldiers have gone
From the lebanon"
(for a video go to youtube: http://tinyurl.com/hv69u)

Gadget: some suggestions, but they'll be moderated out anyway...

Anonymous said...

Morning strapworld how are the beans?
Book - Mein Kampf

Tune - Godfather theme

Gadget - Dispenser filled with plutonium toothpaste

Anonymous said...

On the morning of 4 August 1914, Germania [Kaiser Wilhelm's yacht] was detained in port by British Officers of Customs as a prize of war and her captain and crew became some of the first German prisoners of World War I.

Now we so easily forget that this day 92 years ago war broke out between The British Empire and Germany..............and today Tony Blair announced he was postponing his holiday in Barbados..............

Portents............what say the three witches on the heath ?

Anonymous said...

On a more serious note and I think you mean this John what they say about him during the the last Tory at the Labour conference with Tracey there is no doubt that we have performed more better than Lebanon with freezing snow and all those hangboards they surf with under Labour isn't it in any case Europe doesn't need another foot and mouth because I shall be looking after all towards the day when people will say it was tough but America is our neighbour Tony should book Eggomania that's by that John Curry woman her what Heath screwed you aked me so let me answer music also Dance of the Sugar Plum Fatty, and to the gadget in answer to your question John and I'm pleased you told me that I also of course recognise my neighbours pussy fruit wheel roulette blackjack and I'm doing my job that's the problem with the royals in any ................

Serf said...

The Book:
TWO TREATISES OF GOVERNMENT
by John Locke
Excerp: Slavery is so vile and miserable an estate of man, and so directly opposite to the generous temper and courage of our nation; that it is hardly to be conceived, that an Englishman, much less a gentleman, should plead for it.

The Song:
God save the Queen
by The Sex Pistols
Excerp:No future for you no future for me,
No future no future for you

The Gadget:
A Labtop with a database.
He can work out just how difficult the things really are.

gunslinger said...

a book he should take to read on the beach

On the Beach by Neville Shute.

a song he should listen to on his iPod

Paranoid Android - Radiohead.

[When I am king you will be first against the wall
With your opinion which is of no consequence at all
]

a gadget he could play with on the beach

An armed and targeted Trident.

Anonymous said...

Tony must read - The Trials of Oscar Wilde - Listen to Boy George oh what's it called now? ah.... 'If you want to come' is in there somewhere, and the gadget of course, a cuddly toy yes one of those that bends in the middle.

Love.

Peter

Anonymous said...

Book? Anything, as long as it is thrown at him....

Song? "Angels by my side" by Beth Neilson Chapman (reference to last night's Time Trumpet on BBC2. Brilliant montage of Blair going mad. Shredded any remaining credibility...hope it is repeated, daily, until he resigns.)

Although really he should be made to lie in the deepest circle of Hell with just one song on his i-pod - "Things can only get better...." We can D-Ream.

Gadget? Pearl handled revolver, one bullet (silver - just in case....)

Anonymous said...

Slightly O/T, The Nation, Barbados' daily newspaper reports an acute shortage of timber. Sales of wooden stakes and mallets have escalated beyond the nations capacity to supply them.

Surely The Great Leader hasn't taken up croquet?

Anonymous said...

Dear Lord Dale,

Why has nobody suggested nice things for me?

Anonymous said...

Obvious. The one thing Tony must take with him when he goes on holiday:

John Prescott

Anonymous said...

The book must be 'The wit and wisdom of John Prescott' - abridged.

He should listen to Harry Secombe 'If I ruled the world'.

And to play with on the beach? Why Peter Mandelson of course, you silly boys.

Hughes Views said...

How short does a radio have to be to be a short radio worthy of your doing a piece on it - and don't you mean wireless?

Anonymous said...

Book, 1688 Bill of rights

Song, Roots by Show of Hands

Plaything, Active IED with mercury tilt device.

Martine Martin said...

Hmmmm..... I like this game.

BOOK: How's about Hayak's "The Road to Serfdom"? He might learn something.

MUSIC: Frontier Psychiatrist by the Avalanches.
That boy needs therapy!
It's purely psychosomatic.
That boy needs therapy!


GADGET: He's going to Cliff's you say? Well then; earplugs of course.

Anonymous said...

Book - Your Retirement Masterplan: How to Ensure You Have a Fufilling and Enjoyable Third Age by Jim Green

Song - "It's Almost Over Now" by N.E.R.D.

"You think the way you lives okay
You think posing
Will save the day
You think we don't see
That you're running

You had plenty of time
There was no rush
But it was your dream to be like us
You're in dreamland so you don't care"

...from their appropriately titled album "In search of" (WMD)

Gadget - a Yarmulka (keeps the sun of the head, no?)

Anonymous said...

Book: BLAST Your Way To Megabuck$ With My Secret Sex Power Formula by Ramsey Dukes

iPod: It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Gadget: Benoit Balls

Anonymous said...

Oooooh, every time that nice King Blair come to Barbados he come in this bar here, and he take a very large Caribbean Stallion.

Cocktail? No, silly boy, whoever heard of a drink called that?

Anonymous said...

Bob Seeger and The Silver Bullet Band: Night Moves (for when he and Cherie do their moonlight flit one step ahead of Scotland Yard)

Book - Marshall McLuhan "The Medium is the message" (he knows, that anyway, but he doesn't like to learn new things).

For a walk on the cliffs looking down on the rocky sea, a faulty paraglider.

Anonymous said...

Is the ad for "A Prison Diary" by Jeffery Archer meant to be linked with this post or was it just random? I'm thinking that is the book for TB to read on his hols.

Jeff said...

Book:- The Leadership Challenge: How to Keep Getting Extraordinary Things Done in Organizations (Kouzes/Posner)

SOng: Summer Holiday (Cliff)

Gadget: Large bomb/small fuse

Anonymous said...

Oi you lot! D'yu realise dat if tone reads this lot e's likely do a Goebells and top isself is ole woman and is kids. So stop it or i'll giv yer a smack!
Err, on de uvver hand Peggy says, carry on bloggin.

Anonymous said...

i can't think of a song, book or gadget appropriate to the megalomaniac Blair. i can however suggest a nice bed with a matress of machineel bark, comfy

Anonymous said...

Books: In Conversation with God (Fernandez)- Books 1 to 4.

Song: "If I ruled the World" Tony Bennett

Gadget: *+#%& (Quote Cherie) "Tony darling, put that nasty little thing back in your swimming trunks and get back onto your deck chair"

Anonymous said...

book: buffy the vampire slayer. 'In every generation there is a chosen one.. .she is the slayer'

song: slip sliding away

toy: Mr Pointy

Anonymous said...

Book: Resignation Letters for Beginners (Hoscik, August 2006)

Song: I'm With Stupid - The Petshop Boys

Gadget: Anything dangerous.

Anonymous said...

Why don ye feckin plebs leave my feckin ol man feckin alone, gerrit whack? gerout an ge a feckin job like me an feckin im!

Peter from Putney said...

Book: A PAID FOR and UNSIGNED copy of the Hutton Report.

Song: It's my Party (and I'll cry if I want to)

Gadget: A pen to enable him to write a cheque for a very large sum indeed, equivalent to at least the value of his family's freebie holiday augmented by any underpayments relating to previous years' freebies, in favour of Cliff's favourite charity.

Anonymous said...

Book : Gordon Brown by Tom Bower

Gadget : Cyclonic Bowel Irrigation System

Song :Please Release Us(sic) Engelbert H

Anonymous said...

To Peter from Putney..... absolutely brilliant! Can't top that so I won't even try.
That should keep all the guilt and nighmares uppermost in Mr Blair's mind along with all the doings of his greedy grasping solialist wife!

Anonymous said...

Something to play with on the beach: Verity. But watch out, she might bite.

Yak40 said...

Book:
Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.

Song(s):
Another One Bites The Dust.
See Emily Play.
Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha.
We're Not Going To Take It Any More.

Toys:
Bucket & spade and little English flags.

Davide Simonetti said...

1) The Little Red Book of New Labour Seaze

2) Human Garbage by Napalm Death

Payed to obey
Forced to be silent
Human garbage
To be destroyed
Submit to darkness
Forced to conform
Human garbage
To be destroyed
Your mind is dead
Your thoughts are void
Human garbage
To be destroyed


3) An electric chair

Anonymous said...

Billy lier

Hes a W**ker Hes a W**ker

By the look on Tones face hes already been playing with his favorite gadget for far to long already. Mind you if you were married to that Cheri thing......

Anonymous said...

I don't think anyone really cares what he takes on vacation as long as it draws lightning.

Song: May I suggest anything by Metallica for the iPod, on that basis?

Book: any short story collection that includes They by Robert Heinlein

Gadget: Lightning rod or (topically) marlin-fishing gear
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=399046&in_page_id=1770&in_a_source=

Anonymous said...

"I Won't Let The Show Go On"

(Leo Sayer)

Anonymous said...

Raincoaster - I like the "anything that attracts lightning" thought. His umbrella for use during sudden tropical thunderstorms, for example, should not only have a metal ferule, but a metal handle, as well.

Anonymous said...

Book;'A Prison Diary' Jeffrey Archer. Foreknowledge of things to come.

Tune; The National Anthem, to remind the poser who is the actual head of state in this country.

Gadget; A huge carton of discarded hypodermic needles and a blindfold. Then tell him there's a signed photo of Dubya, Mandelson, or the deeds to the flats in Bristol at the bottom of the box.

Anonymous said...

Book: The Dangerous Book for Boys
Chapters include: Conkers, Laws of Football, Dinosaurs, Juggling, Timers and Tripwires, Kings and Queens, Famous Battles, Spies, Girls, The Golden Age of Piracy, Secret Inks, Skimming Stones, Dog Tricks (a Bush favourite), Making a Periscope, Coin Tricks (maybe Brown should read this as well?), Marbles, Artillery, The Origin of Words.
Song: Knowing Me, Knowing You - Abba
Gadget: a lawnmower (weapon of grass destruction!!!!)

Anonymous said...

Book - Love Me by Garrison Keillor

Song - The Runaway Train

Gadget - smoothie maker

Peter from Putney said...

Which questions have you finally decided on Iain, assuming Blair eventually departs for his holiday after saving the World.