"I am not a chair. I have never been sat upon" - Tory MP Ann Widdecombe, objecting to the use of the word chair instead of chairman.
"I was talking to Helen Mirren the other day and she said she had to have a false backside fitted in order to do The Queen" - Actress Penelope Cruz.
"Our last child was conceived on the night Rory went to bed with me as Tony Blair" - Tessa Bremner, wife of the impressionist.
"Someone came up to me the other day and said: 'I know who you are ...
Michael Foot!' So I immediately went and got a hair cut" - Veteran jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttleton.
"He has the charisma of a coffin lid" - Former Tory Cabinet Minister Michael Portillo on Gordon Brown.
"In one important respect Manchester's supercasino will be very similar to Las Vegas. The customers will be poor and fat when they get there. And a little bit poorer and fatter when they leave" - TV's Jeremy Clarkson.
"We have a Prime Minister who ignores international law when he feels like it, disregarding the findings of UN weapons inspectors in Iraq, turning a blind eye to US abuse of human rights in Guantanamo Bay, and failing to condemn the Israeli invasion of Lebanon" - Lord Ashdown, the former Liberal Democrat leader.
"Suicide seems a reasonable option at the moment." Blogger Iain Dale after watching his team lose 4-3 to Spurs.
"I suppose the only thing worse than being blown up by a mortar on Sunday morning is having two senior Conservative Party figures visiting you on a Monday morning" - William Hague, accompanied by David Cameron on visiting an injured soldier in Basra, who replied: "It's about on a par, sir".
"It's show time on Wednesday" - Jack Straw, Leader of the Commons, on this week's crucial votes on House of Lords reform.
"There is a joke in our family that you can tell our local hospital is no good because it has a sign over the front door saying 'Guard Dogs Operating'" - Broadcaster and commentator Sandi Toksvig.