Yesterday afternoon I asked for suggestions for a Top Ten List of Reasons Why Michael Ancram Should Be Taken Outside And Shot. Here is the final list...
Number 10: So he knows how the grouse feel.
Number 9: Because we need to discourage the aristocracy from overbreeding.
Number 8: To put him out of my misery.
Number 7: Because the House of Commons fossil collection is already large enough.
Number 6: Because he believes in heaven, so we'd be doing him a huge favour.
Number 5: Because it would make it easier to gain access to his lovely daughters.
Number 4: Because his writing is staggeringly dull and pretentious.
Number 3: Pour encorager les autres
Number 2: Because we couldn't lay our hands on Bob Crow.
And the number 1 reason Michael Ancram should be taken outside and shot is: Because shooting him inside would mean that you'd have to repaint the walls.
Now for those of you who have a collective sense of humour failure, this is done in the style of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists, which are funny, sardonic and often ironic.
22 comments:
Why not shoot every MP who cheats on their partner? And then shoot every MP who fiddles their expenses? And then shoot every MP who is wringing his hands with guilt and inner turmoil for being such a bastard?
Yes, I know, the Commons could then reconvene in a portakabin - a slightly smaller one if you reprieved the third category.
But the good news is, Ancram would live!
I think you are being a little disingenuous here, Iain - and I have blogged on this several times and it's been covered in the Guardian and on Channel Four and, er, and Bob Piper has given it a lot of exposure too.
As for No.3 in the list I should point out that this (mispelt) statement is a quotation that has been used before - see my blog....
Late but "because we could stand David Cameron in front of him"
Hmm. Four out of ten. Not bad. Must try harder next time!
Did I mention that I have my own blog?
Copy America, copy America, copy America, copy ... copy ... "citizen journalists", David Letterman, probably the least funny 'talk show host' to ever have appeared on American TV.
Your list was entertaining enough, but why broadcast that it was a copy of old American tat, aka raving lefty David Letterman?
And no, Iain, your readers did not have "a collective sense of humour failure". All the old clichés tumbling out ... vertically challenged, sense of humour bypass, past sell-by date ... yawn ...
Your list would have stood alone without pinning it to the dreadful lefty star David Letterman's underpants. Why don't you have the courage of your own ideas? It was a good list.
As one of his constituents, I feel compelled - even though your post is clearly not serious - to say that Ancram is a very good MP and is very switched on.
Cameron should listen, he makes good points.
Crisp Haul seems to be suggesting knowledge of past histories, normally a closed topic to gentlemen from the left of politics. Or at least they as a rule have to adjust the facts somewhat, before history warrants a place in their world view.
Haul might even have heard of Voltaire's Candide - "dans ce pays-ci, il est bon de tuer de temps en temps un amiral pour encourager les autres" - but as he has no link to his blog and I cannot remember its URL, one cannot be sure.
I wonder if the musings of Haul could add to our understanding of this well-loved phrase. I have my doubts. But I promise to keep an open mind.
I'm sure Ancram is still a lively sort of chap ... but a bit late on the overbreeding and indeed inbreeding front I'd have thought?
Just in case there were any doubt Chris Paul 12:23 am is not me. If you would like to compare IPs Iain and see if this creature is the same one who came trolling at mine at around the same time ...
Monicas's IP starts 81.132... and "she" was on for 35 minutes including this time ... and "she" works for a national institution, as seen on TV ... and "she" has an enviable role with another ...
Hassling people on the interweb would not go down very well at all. No sense of humour.
... you were actually moderating comments Iain, weren't you?
"Now for those of you who have a collective sense of humour failure, this is done in the style of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists, which are funny, sardonic and often ironic."
And your list differs in only three respects.
The number one slot! I shall dust down my milk monitor badge and beam all day.
chris paul 12:23 AM said...
"As for No.3 in the list I should point out that this (mispelt) statement is a quotation that has been used before - see my blog...."
Number 3: Pour encorager les autres.
Well it's hardly original is it?
"As for No.3 in the list I should point out that this (mispelt) statement is a quotation that has been used before - see my blog....
"
Not sure what the point is - surely a quotation is by definition something that has been used before - I am sure Chris isn't claming his blog was the first place this one ever appeared?
And BTW I think it would be fair to insert the word "sometines", or even "occasionally", before the word "funny" in the Letterman reference on the main blog entry.
I suppose people are more often shot for telling the truth than for lying.
'In the style...' but this isn't funny, sardonic or ironic. And you're a second rate blogger with political aspirations not a hugely successful primetime TV presenter and interviewer. Oh, hang on, 18 Doughty Street....
Its true that Michael Ancram should have made his complaints in private rather than parading them in the Telegraph. On the other hand he is a grown-up. He has gravitas and experience. I get the impression that Cameron is surrounded by wannabe airheads who think politics is a matter of treating the electorate like idiots. They think no-one can tell the difference between a sincerely held opinion and a cynical PR exercise. If Dave is too weak/polite to get rid of the self-selected volunteers who've decided to climb onto the bandwagon and burrow into the heart of Project Cameron what hope is there that he'd be strong in negotiations with foreign heads of state if he ever got the chance?
And in the event of him getting to No. 10 there is the frightening prospect of him giving serious jobs to these numties. He doesn't seem to have any antennae and that makes him a bad judge of character.
"this is done in the style of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists, which are funny, sardonic and often ironic"
You show me a David Letterman Top Ten List that is funny and I'll show you Lembit Opik as our next PM
Why is it ironic? Do the walls actually need redecorating anyway?
you show me an American who understands irony and I'll show you Lembit Opik as the next POTUS
Hmm...for all the name calling etc directed towards Ancram from so called modern Tories like you Iain, I have yet to see anyone, including you Iain, refute, point by point, what Ancram puts forward, with the modern Tory values to replace his old ones.
Politics has become an extension of consumerism. Voting for a party is no more than choosing a brand. Cameron is working to create the brand that gets chosen.
Ancram still thinks politics is about philosophies and beliefs, and is unaware that packaging today and brand aura are far more important than product. Of course it's illogical, but when were human beings ever logical?
Ancram wants the illogicalities of the past to define the present. It makes him the one who's illogical, seeking power in 2007 wearing the styles of 1982. Dodo.
But you are no David Letterman Mr Dale.
Stick to your daytime job.
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