Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Polly & Heffalump in 140 Characters

Tim Worstall has highlighted the Guardian's April Fools joke that it will in future be published on Twitter. He is running a competition for his readers to write the perfect Polly Toynbee column in 140 characters or fewer.

I thought I would challenge you to do the same.

Or, to take it a stage further, imagine the Telegraph switched to Twitter. Perhaps you could write your perfect Simon Heffer column in 140 characters too.

19 comments:

This Observer said...

Quality journalism simply can't be condensed into 140 characters or less. Therefore the Telegraph wouldn't be able to make the move to Twitter.

The Guardian on the other hand would be fine...

Sonicdeathmonkey said...

More tax (on rich). Labour good (with nosepegs). Torys bad.

no longer anonymous said...

Twaddle: Labour good, Tories bad.

Heffer: Labour bad, Tories bad.

Ted Foan said...

Simon says "I don't need 140 characters - David Cameron is not a Conservative."

Conand said...

OK Here's my entry in the Heffalump competition:

'Brown is Satan.Cameron isn't nasty enough therefore he is helping Satan.Running the Telegraph is much harder than running a political party.'

Charlotte said...

Here's my 140 characters

"Looking out at the view from my Villa, I consider why other rich people won't do more to help the poor. I write my column. What do they do?"

Council House Tory said...

Tories will eat your babies. Vote for anyone else. If it looks like the tories might win anyway, change the electoral system. This is progressive.

Conand said...

OK Here's my entry in the Polly Painbee competition:

'I'm all for democracy me. There should always be a Labour Government. I'm all for tax. I don't like paying it. You is all hypocrits innit.'

Plato said...

Mr Council House - that is ace.

BJ said...

It affronts me that again the BBC and single mothers have colluded to drain the state. And David Cameron does nothing. Nor do my subeditors!

That is precisely 140 chars.

Hughb said...

Government good, business bad. Labour good, Conservative bad. Europe good, America bad. Arab good, Israeli bad. Margate good, Tuscany better.

denverthen said...

Every Tuscan Toynbee outflow I've ever seen would look something this as a Twit:

"We’ve ended child poverty – and saved the world, but there’s still more to do. Beware rich Tories who hate the poor and want to kill us all."

Barking (both of them).

Stepney said...

They can’t see themselves for what they are; hypocritical, second-home owning, higher-income, middle-classes, walking by on the other side.

Stepney said...

You don't HAVE to be stinking rich to work here and write this inane, hypocritical crap; but it helps.

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Clearly they picked up on John Prescott being awarded a PhD in linguistics, as I reported earlier today:

The Dialectic of Reality: Socialist realism in the works of Polly Toynbee

John Prescott

Department of English, University of California, (near) Berkeley

1. Toynbee and dialectic deappropriation

If one examines the subcapitalist paradigm of narrative, one is faced with a choice: either reject socialist realism or conclude that culture serves to exploit the proletariat, given that language is distinct from narrativity....

DespairingLiberal said...

Nice challenge Monsieur Dale. Takes my mind off the G20.

Polly: "Fools! Here in Holland Park, we understand poverty. The left will win. New Labour is trickier. Gordon knows best, as do I, your guilt-ridden but superior columnist."

Heff: "I am smart. None of you are. Cameron will vanish without trace. Bring Margaret back, but only under my firm guidance. Most of you are stupid. Wear a tie. The EU is awful."

Loki said...

Polly:
Once I had to fly steerage, so I know all about poverty & when I got to my villa no-one had cleaned the pool and the champers wasn't chilled

Ethelred the Unhinged said...

OK. Here's a Heff in 140 chars:

In my view, the problem with "Dave" is that he is not Enoch Powell. If he were Enoch Powell then he would not be "Dave", would he? Harrumph!

R. Blake said...

Toynbee: Oo Gordon! Oo Gordon! Oo Gordon! Oppressed people of Europe, go back to your communes and prepare for the dictatorship of the proletariat!

Heffer: Ew, Dave. Ugh, Dave. Argh, Dave. Squirming, wretched people of Inglund, go back to your cottages and prepare for the End of the World!

I never knew Simon Heffer and Polly Toynbee had so much in common. Of course, the thing with Polly is she doesn't know when to stop, and 140 characters would become 14,000 very quickly.

Above and beyond any of that, we all know that Iain Dale writes doubleplusgood columns.