Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Why I Can't Accept the Orwell Prize


I've given this a lot of thought, and have made the decision to withdraw from the Orwell Prize. As you know, last week I was shortlisted for the prestigious literary award. At the time, I was incredibly proud of the achievement and was delighted to receive congratulations from many people.

However, it soon became clear that my presence on the shortlist was not universally welcome. Several bloggers, whose boots I am not fit to lick, made their views perfectly clear and said that by choosing me to be on the shortlist the judges had devalued the award. I must reluctantly recognise that these bloggers, as usual, have right on their side. It is up to me to admit that my writing efforts are on a par with those of Jade Goody - that my spelling is atrocious and that my articles so riddled with cliches that I ought to apply for a role as Gordon Brown's speechwriter. In addition, my lame attempts at humour always fall flat, I am so far up David Cameron's arse that my feet have disappeared and my obsession with lists is ... well... number one, slightly autistic, number two, irritating and number three, the only thing people remember about me.

In fact, this blog is so bad, that 90,000 of you were stupid enough to spend your time reading it last month. It's clear that you were all just coming here for a laugh at my expense, but not one of you had the heart to tell me that, well, basically, I'm crap. I had to find it out from that giant of political commentary, Chicken Yoghurt.

So while I remain grateful to the Orwell Prize judges, I feel it is only right for me to withdraw my nomination and instead, I would like to pass it on to the only person who I feel understands the genre of political blogging, and in a very short time has enhanced its reputation like no one before. He's a giant of political commentary on our TV screens. He's willing to see both sides of an argument and is polite at all times to his political adversaries. Ladies and gentlemen, I think you will all agree that the only person deserving such an accolade is my very good friend - and yours - Mr Derek Draper.

More information HERE, HERE and HERE.

48 comments:

Simon Dyda said...

Can we hear more about this boot-licking fetish please, Iain?

Simon Gardner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alasdair said...

As if you'd withdraw yourself from such a link-driving piece of ego-stroking!

Nick Thornsby said...

;)

zeno said...

Aprile Pazzo!

Alix said...

Chicken Yoghurt's choice of post for today is amusingly symmetrical.

Simon Gardner said...

OK, so more of the demeaning and very silly Dolly-war.
[sigh]

seebag said...

The problem I have today is differentiating spoof from reality. There are just too many events, particularly stemming from this government, which are beyond parody or satire eg this week - new fire officer uniforms, MP claiming for a bath plug, Vaz still in office, etc ad nauseum. New Labour ruins another great British institution - all fools day.

Bucket of Tongues said...

Nice April Fool. Heh-heh-heh.

BJ said...

Not as good as the one about you running for Mayor of London, Iain.

anonaLon said...

Talking of April Fool's, don't you think that The Guardian's story about abandoning it's print edition might come back to haunt it?

headline 1st april 2010 : Guardian goes bust as yet another British newspaper is a victim of the internet

golden_balls said...

At last a post i can agree with ian lol

Dick the Prick said...

Wind up merchant, got quite worried for a mo.

Wyrdtimes said...

Don't blame you Iain. But "prestigious"? Don't think so looks like a pinko love in to me. As with so much leftist crap - best off out.

I suspect Orwell would have railed against the whole idea.

Half The Story said...

Two paragraphs too long.....

Wyrdtimes said...

doh! nevermind.

Half The Story said...

@ Alex - am not sure if CY's post is an April Fool........ ;-)

Plato said...

Almost had me going there - and I'm with seebag - we're surrounded by couldn't-make-it-up stories.

On Saturday who would have guessed that Home Secretary's claims for bath plug and gay porn on expenses would be true????

Oldrightie said...

Too many spoofs. I'm with those who regard this Government, (sic) as a 24/7 joke.

Simon Gardner said...

anonaLon said... “Guardian goes bust as yet another British newspaper is a victim of the internet...”

Times shuts down, Telegraph closes etc etc.

Doug said...

Good one Iain!

Thatsnews said...

Heh!

Unsworth said...

Shame really, I was so looking forward to your acceptance speech.

Vienna Woods said...

I don't know about Iain carrying on about Draper, and Guido Fawkes too! Draper has now sunk to even lower levels by registering http://www.order-order.co.uk, which links to LabourList.

Just a few years ago I successfully sued a competitor for doing much the same - as a slight typo, or a Google search led my customers to his site. Out here in German speaking countries the offence comes within the group of offences known as "Berufs Sch├Ądigung". I would think that the UK would have similar laws

anonaLon said...

Simon Gardner: do you have a fetish for commenting on my comments?! why don't you get your own blog....

Rexel No 56 said...

Iain

Either the readers of Guido's blog have incredibly subtle senses of humour, or they really have fallen for his April Fool's joke.

R56

p.s. glad to have confirmation that Simon G has no SOH either.

Baffled said...

Miaooow!

Damon From Birmingham said...

The best April Fool joke I've heard today was Adam Boulton on Sky News when he called Gordon Brown a Financial Genius (or words to that effect).

Plato said...

Mr Woods - I'm pretty sure that url squatting is not allowed here either.

Derek must think he is very clever.

*yawn*

Plato said...

I see Dolly doesn't like the Guardian taking the piss out of itself with Twitter.

How dare it subvert his plan to have all Year 8 following him.

Simon Gardner said...

anonaLon said... “do you have a fetish for commenting on my comments?”

Can I help it that you are prima inter pares for fatuity? I think not. (Oh and I hadn’t noticed.)

Wyrdtimes said...

And now the real April fools story... a day for England.

Prescription charges dropped in Scotland

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/7974787.stm

But raised in England

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7925167.stm

Whilst vast tracts of England are carved up to suit new Labour:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7974898.stm

No consultation and no vote required.

Britain. Putting England last.

DespairingLiberal said...

I loved this post!

Can we see a video of you bowing to the floor please Iain, like in those Japanese apology-on-the-news shorts.

However, despite your excellent self-deprecating humour, it is also seriously clear that the Orwell committee were bonkers.

On the other hand, perhaps you aren't really withdrawing? April 1st and all that?

DespairingLiberal said...

Who is Chicken Yoghurt by the way? Is he attending the "pro-capitalist" demo?

Mike Law said...

Best April Fool prank of the day: Obama's "glowing" reference to our dear leader.

DespairingLiberal said...

Sorry, I meant of course to say that the Orwell Committee "are bonkers" and not "were bonkers" - I do apologise for any confusion or hurt feelings this slip may inadvertently have caused.

Bill Quango MP said...

Brown commits Britain to join the euro as the price for G20 unity
here

Simon Gardner said...

Did I see Daniel Hannan MEP being trailed on Faux News at 5PM Eastern Time?

troymolloy said...

D'oh, you got me! At least, you had me convinced for a few moments that you're having some kind of breakdown.

davidc said...

you become a director of west ham and minutes later pres. obama swears undying allegiance to the hammers ?

trevorsden said...

I hope the Orwell judges appreciate satire.

Salmondnet said...

Happy 1st April Iain.

Shamik said...

Happy April 1st everyone!

Simon Dyda said...

Gordon Brown wins Nobel Peace Prize

Newmania said...

Not fooled for one second Iain .I expect you are going to admit to being a rapacious hetero -sexual next .

Funny though !

Anna said...

Please do not so insult one of your very regular readers. Well, I felt like that till I remembered the date!

Draper... ugh! Scruffy individual in need of a hairwash. Does ANYone take him seriously apart from the BBC?

Unsworth said...

@ Simon Gardner

You're obviously not a Classicist.

wild said...

Arbor naturam dat fructibus atque figuram.